Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All the doctor said was why
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
