i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
