god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm always down for nudity.
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