Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
