So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize