I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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