Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
