I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
