I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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