conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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