Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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