if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
