WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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