I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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