I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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