I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
