Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
