so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
