I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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