never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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