Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
