Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i've created a new STD.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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