I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
