somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
