it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
