wat bout pragnant strippers??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
