I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
