well I can't set my house on fire every night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
