u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
