The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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