Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
