so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
