don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
