Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
