Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
