The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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