I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
