We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
