dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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