I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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