Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
