Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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