i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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