guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
