At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
