I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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