Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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