I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
