Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
