I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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