it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
