we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
