he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
