you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize