Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my shit smells like andre
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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