yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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