Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
