you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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