You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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