recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
