I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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