I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
