Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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