Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
