This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
