I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
